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Ocean's Twelve

Before my mind gets filled with Harry Potter...

What was that? I feel like I watched two hours of (a few) beautiful people talking and acting like VIPs, but nothing happened. Okay, let's rewind. I'm giving a brief review of Ocean's Twelve - late, but oh well, at least I won't spoil anything. (This is your warning to stop reading if you haven't seen the movie and don't want to read spoilers.)

The opening was cute, focusing on the main players of the game - George Clooney and Brad Pitt. I felt the other members were a bit rushed - I had no clue what was going on with a few of them - but the main point came across: the guy they pulled the last job on wanted his money back.

One thing that kind of grated on me was the way cameos were handled. In some movies, cameos fit - the short 15-second stint contributes a pinch of substance in the plot. This movie wasn't like that. Topher's appearance was like a breath of pot smoke - hazy, left you feeling confused, and just didn't fit in with the suits. Bruce seemed out-of-place too, although to a lesser degree.

After the introduction, the group gathered together and decided they were going to Amsterdam. Why? No reason, yet. The place was picked by Rusty, whom everyone apparently turned to when they were in trouble. Why? I don't know. Didn't they all have the same amount of money? Oh, and the oldest guy backed out and left the room - which no one opposed. Why? You tell me.

Yes, a lot of loose ends. Although, of course, you predicted that the old guy would come back at a key moment and save the day. And Amsterdam was picked because of some girl - probably Catherine Zeta-Jones since you remember the previews.

So, they went to Amsterdam and got some job involving a rich, wheelchair-bound hermit and his ancient stock certificate. This is a seemingly impossible task to pull off, but they managed it anyway - raising the entire building, firing an arrow (carrying the alarm decoder) through a window, finding the precious... oh wait, they found some note beside a tape recorder that read "Play". Being the geniuses they were, they played the message and found they had been duped by the Night Fox.

Why would you do what a piece of paper tells you - when you're in the middle of a robbery? Especially when the instructions involve making sounds! The message was decently loud - yet, the master of the house didn't wake up? I forgot to mention that they were careless enough to leave a huge footprint on the doormat. Even if you wanted to get caught, why would you make it so obvious? Bye bye, Bernie.

The rest of the movie is the gang trying to prove that they are better thieves than the Night Fox. Why? He offered to pay off their debt if they won.

But this time, the planning seemed to go on mostly off-screen - understandable, seeing as they only had one small item to steal. Instead, screen time is allotted to the relationship between Rusty and the cop he met years before in Amsterdam. He likes her, she likes him; she comes to see him, he goes to see her; she guesses all his moves, he plays dumb in front of his friends.

Yes, I mentioned they were nice to look at, but come on. She stole his cellphone when she came over to the hotel they were staying at because it was lying in plain sight. Seriously? I don't think he put his cellphone down at any other point in the movie. I could be wrong. Other hijinks ensued - most were entertaining, but nothing spectacularly original.

Pretty soon, the heist is attempted and failed, even with Julia Roberts' help. They all get put in jail and then they're saved by Matt Damon's mom. Yes, that's right. His mom picks them up.

They go home after that, but not before Night Fox explains how he stole the item successfully. George Clooney and Julia Roberts then inform him how they tricked him and the whole thing was a set-up. So, the debt is paid off, there's a father-daughter reunion, and everything is fine and dandy.

The set-up was only so-so. Maybe I wasn't paying attention, but how come they had such an easy time convincing LaMarc to backstab Night Fox? Also, what about the transportation of the item - why was it so unguarded and why was it taken on a train in a backpack? It seems like the whole thing was kind of handed to them on a silver platter - all they had to do was pretend in front of Night Fox... which seems like a rather silly plot.

Bah.

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